To squash your inner people pleaser, it is more important to use your body than it is to engage your mind because this is a nervous system challenge. First your body and nervous system respond to a trigger, then your mind kicks in with thoughts and plans for people pleasing actions. To rewire this stress response, the most important practice you can start is to engage with your body.
1. Rediscover your Natural Blueprint of Health.
Everyone is born with a Natural Blueprint of Health – who you are in your most natural essence. This is a concept I learned from my brilliant teacher Rachael Maddox. Uncovering your Natural Blueprint of Health is revealed by attuning to peak experiences from your life when you felt most fully alive and free to be yourself. After rediscovering your blueprint, the next step is to determine safe and doable ways to express parts of your natural essence more consistently.
2. Identifying Nervous System Imprints.
Imprints are wounds and/or traumas that have marked your nervous system and taken you away from feeling like you can be your most authentic self and fully express your natural blueprint. These imprints are responsible for wiring your nervous system to respond with the ‘appease’ stress response.
Examples of imprints are: societal conditioning, growing up in a household where you were not free to be yourself, systems of oppression, the patriarchy, any form of abuse, grief, chronic illness, breakups or divorces, an accident, getting laid off or fired, or any other situation or event where your body was unable to complete the emotional cycle.
3. Increase Self-Awareness of People Pleasing Triggers.
Identify in what conditions you are triggered into people pleasing and where in your body you sense people pleasing triggers. Start to use body-based strategies to soothe your nervous system, so that you can increase your capacity to thoughtfully respond to these triggers. Increasing your self-awareness in your body will help you to slow down people pleasing thoughts and also lessen their intensity.
4. Reading your Body’s Cues to Tap Into Desires.
Developing the capacity to read your body’s cues to make decisions in alignment with who you are and what you truly want and desire is essential to releasing people pleasing and rewiring your nervous system’s appease response. You will release the tendency to carry-out life’s shoulds and start to do more of what you want and desire.